This week I have officially decided to move on from Sight & Sound and seek a new mentor. Here are the reasons for my sudden departure:
1.) It's a waste of my time.
The first few weeks were great. But for the past few weeks I've gone, I've felt like a third wheel. I'm tired of being just there, ignored, feeling useless, only doing mundane tasks that no one wants to do. I would rather be somewhere where I'm needed, where I can feel valuable and respected. I felt like a kid just going along for the ride half the time. I understand that everyone is busy and I'm only there once a week, but that's no reason to just dismiss me and leave me out of the loop as far as schedule goes. I even asked for a copy of the schedule and all I got was, "No, you won't understand it." I can't spend my second day off like this. If something is making me wish I was at work instead, there's something wrong. I was actually really happy that I didn't have to go to Sight & Sound this week. It was the best Wednesday I've had in a while.
2.) I feel like an idiot when I'm there.
Nothing turns me off more than this. No matter who you are, how experienced you are, DO NOT TALK DOWN TO ME. I may be a baby compared to an adult like you when it comes to the film industry, but don't treat me as if I'm a nuisance to you or don't know anything. Your vague instructions don't help. I'm here to learn, but I can't learn anything if I don't have a good teacher. What is easy for you isn't neccesarily easy for me. I may have a thick skin, but there's only so much I can take before I say, "Enough". This isn't a job, I'm not getting paid for this, so it isn't a loss for me whatsoever. Please respect people, Sight & Sound, or you will lose them.
3.) Film production is not for me.
Sight & Sound is too physical a job for me. 50 pounds plus is pretty heavy for a woman my stature and age, but I tried... no thanks to you. Okay, so I'm not built for the job. You got me there. I want to pursue screenwriting, but there's nobody here that can help me with that. Well then, what am I doing here? I'd much rather be working on a screenplay than spend 3 hours sorting cables.
4.) Stop asking me to put more time here.
How many times do I have to say it? I can only come in ONCE A WEEK. I am the manager of a small restaurant and I cannot come in more often. Yes, that means that I miss out on a lot, but what do you expect me to do? Skip out on work? Forget it. I have to make a living. Even if I did have more time honestly, once a week is enough. I don't think I could take another day a week at Sight & Sound. I would be so emotionally drained that I might actually have to quit my job.
My other blog posts, I admit I was holding a lot back. I didn't want to sound angry or dissatisfied because I wanted to give my mentor a chance. But now it's out, and I have only one other thing to say-- my mentor was a jerk. He's a busy man, and he tried, I appreciate his teachings and his advice, but we clashed. I don't do well with vague instructions, he seemed to treat this mentorship as simply a favor to me rather than a responsiblity, and he really underestimated me. Maybe he didn't mean to come across that way, or he claims that he didn't, but I am very relieved that we won't have to work together again. Being nominated for Emmys doesn't say anything about your character.
At same time, there were some people who were very good to me-- Franz, Kevin, and Strawberry. But they were out of the studio much of the time... probably to avoid Bill. When they were there however, they were very accomodating and patient with me. I'm sorry to leave those guys, and I wish them the best. Their agreeable attitiudes will take them far, I know it. Hopefully when they find out about my sudden leaving, they'll be able to figure out that it had nothing to do with them.
What I'm taking with me is the important lesson I learned, which is to respect the film equipment because it's flipping expensive. This isn't the first time I've decided to leave someplace because I wasn't happy there, but what I always take from that is the message to never treat people the way I was treated. No matter who they are, how much experience, outgoing, shy, whatever, respect everyone, or you'll lose them.
So that settles it. I'm free. I'm moving on and I'm ecstatic about it. I'm eagerly awaiting to be connected with my new mentor. Hopefully my next blog post won't be so critical.